April 5, 2012 Thurdsay
We had a counseling appointment a while back with Scott. Upon meeting with him alone, I told him I was noticing a greater sense of indifference in Tyler. He just doesn't seem to think about how his actions affect people. When I approached him in several instances, he didn't care. He told me point blank, " I don't care what people think. I don't care how it makes them feel. I just don't care."
This sounds an awful lot like typical teenage response to me, but this is not how my son is. He is a pretty sensitive guy, although he tries to keep a tough exterior. This response is not normal for him.
"Well, how do I tell what is a typical teen response, and what is behavior caused by schizophrenia?" I asked Scott. He told me that it's extremely difficult to differentiate. It's almost impossible. We just have to take things one instance at a time and try to figure it out. Great.
He told me that people with schizophrenia have a very difficult time thinking ahead. It's almost impossible for them to plan for the future. They live in the 'right now', and make the decisions they think are best at that moment. In other words, they are impulsive.
Scott went on to say that small tasks such as cleaning their room is next to impossible. They get easily overwhelmed and cannot prioritize, so they do not try. This makes sense to me!!! For the past 2 years, I have not been able to get Tyler to clean his room. Now this might seem like normal teenager stuff to you, but it is not. I will try to explain. When I was a teen, my mom would clean my room when I was away. When I got home and found out what she had done, I was usually furious! That was my space and my stuff! She was totally invading my space, although I knew she was just trying to do something nice for me. One the several times I have gone in a cleaned Tyler's room while he was away, I took a risk. I expected him to be mad at me, like I was at my mother. I was going through his things. I was actually looking for drugs and alcohol under the guise of cleaning his room, and I know he knew that. Instead of the typical teenage response of, "What?! You went through my room?!?", he was so appreciative. He was so sincere when he told me, "Thank you so much Mom! I was just overwhelmed and I didn't know where to start. I just couldn't do it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" That has been his response every time. The first time he responded in thanks instead of anger, I about fell down from shock. The respective times, I was also surprised, and started noticing the trend.
When I told Scott this story, he said, "YES!" this is exactly what I'm talking about when I said they can't prioritize. He can't process in his head that okay, I will put my socks away first, or I will pick up the garbage and put it in the garbage can first. Scott said I should make cleaning his room an 'us' time. Put on some disco and clean his room together. I need to say, "Okay, now let's hang your shirts in your closet" and hand him a hanger. Show him how to do it instead of doing it myself. We can talk and laugh and do our silly disco dances and make it a good time.
It's so weird to deal with. One one hand, I know my son is incredibly smart, but I can see him digressing in certain areas. It's not a constant digress, either. It's a come-and-go thing. Sometimes he just can't function, and other times he's smart as a whip! It's very hard to tell what is a normal teenage thing, and what is being caused by his disease. I think he is using it to make excuses and being lazy and I find myself getting angry. One of my biggest pet peeves is being taken advantage of, and my first thought is that's what Tyler is doing. It's hard to keep a balance of what I need to let go and what I need to address.
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